I haven’t been too good posting here, but I’m not going to promise myself anything. But I remember now why I tried to write every day, because every day he was on my mind, however this time I don’t want that. I really don’t.
I had a visit by my boyfriend a while ago, and I thought because my torn heart for the other guy, I would end up feeling nothing, feeling numb and not interested, the way I’ve felt with everyone else. But this time, this isn’t giving me that feeling. I love this guy, he’s a dream come true, he’s perfect to me. I feel happy and I can’t wait until the summer when I get to be with him again, just him and I in his apartment. Just the two of us, and It’s going to be amazing. I honestly doubted I’d fall in love for real once more.
My heart is torn again, it’s breaking, I’m trying to shake my head to get the thoughts out of my mind, just thinking of that guy now, my ex, I feel dirty. I feel like I’m cheating but I haven’t done anything, I don’t want to be thinking of him.
My dreams have always been about him messaging me, talking and we’ll be fine. It’s always been the same dream. But this time it was different, this time he wasn’t messaging me and it would all be alright.
I was with my boyfriend when I stumbled on my ex, we talked and tried to see the reasoning with how things had been, or I was. He told me he wanted me again, he thought, but he changed his mind once I had let go and decided to consider it. I remember I told him I wanted an answer from him, I wanted to let him know if he wanted us to get back together if we could work things out. But once I started to desperately want him again, he had me wrapped in his fingers, he had me taken and that’s when he said no… First time in my dreams he told me no, he didn’t want me. It broke my heart and I can still feel it. I thought he’d disappear out of my mind now when I finally found my happiness again.
Makes me feel like he’s holding me back from loving, from moving on, every step to ‘freedom’ I feel, he still got me and tugs me back a bit everytime I start to walk, holding me back.
Also makes me feel like Sayori! A video made by Akidearest and some of her friends, a video called How Anime Characters Confess Their Love.
“I’d love you forever
Whether alive or dead
I’d never forget you.
GET. OUT. OF. MY. HEAD.“
Dear diary 